My sheets look like a crime scene.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
