i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
birth control should be required to get into college
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
