she was so not down for the gang bang
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
