You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
