he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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