3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
