PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
