whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
