and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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