don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
