I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
