My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
