I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
