We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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