i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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