After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
