I will die if light touches me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
