so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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