I'm really into asian looking animals
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
