I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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