Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
