just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Let's paint friendship bongs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
