Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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