Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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