just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
