i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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