You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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