I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize