watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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