i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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