I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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