i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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