OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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