I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
