just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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