I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
4 words: hood of his car
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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