For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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