final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
