all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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