My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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