You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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