I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
