Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
