Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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