his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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