I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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