Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
