I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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