So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
BRING THE BAGELS
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
