dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
