I feel like abortions should bother me more
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Help. Why am I so naked?
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