The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
