your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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