You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
