now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
