theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.