Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We using my standards or yours?

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  (301): Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad? (443): We using my standards or yours? http://tfl.nu/agac
  Replies (7) Good night (3102) Bad night (716)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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  (917): apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money' http://tfl.nu/vf8t
  Replies (4) Good night (2160) Bad night (908)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Successful day.

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  (512): I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave. (573): Successful day. http://tfl.nu/6nom
  Replies (26) Good night (4433) Bad night (1323)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish they made helmets for livers.

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  (262): I wish they made helmets for livers. http://tfl.nu/bj92
  Replies (12) Good night (5729) Bad night (903)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

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  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (9304) Bad night (1254)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

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  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (8219) Bad night (1706)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"

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  (503): But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers" http://tfl.nu/x36v
  Replies (6) Good night (2762) Bad night (905)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.

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  (240): One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/2w08
  Replies (6) Good night (2213) Bad night (1037)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.

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  (360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn
  Replies (5) Good night (2951) Bad night (645)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."

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  (901): I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower." http://tfl.nu/7vf5
  Replies (4) Good night (1849) Bad night (592)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.

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  (970): I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life. http://tfl.nu/eqcg
  Replies (21) Good night (1488) Bad night (1131)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.

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  (804): I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together. http://tfl.nu/pd1t
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (363)
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  (619): View more from California

  I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.

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  (619): I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays. http://tfl.nu/ooc2
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (289)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?

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  (425): Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis? http://tfl.nu/fp34
  Replies (5) Good night (327) Bad night (506)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09

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  (306): almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09 http://tfl.nu/v4ok
  Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (308)

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