I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness