he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My dick has a subreddit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.