Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
