theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
