I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
