I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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